Last night, I was sitting quite comfortably in my ever so fluffy recliner with my feet up, sipping an adult beverage and enjoying the evening news, when quite suddenly the area around my right ankle began to itch. Not some minor "give it a little scratch" kind of itch, but more of a full blown "you better have long fingernails to get at this" kind of itch. I looked down after attacking the itch to discover its cause - a bug bite. And I immediately recognized the culprit responsible for this bite, a mosquito!
Those little critters leave their marks on me something awful. Their bites create a hard raised rounded lump of flesh that begs me to scratch it until blood comes to the surface. Trouble is, I never saw or heard the little buggar come near me; therefore I never had the opportunity to take a defensive swat before the bite. I reiterate, I was inside my own house, completing relaxing, minding my own business, looking forward to watching pre-season football, when out of nowhere I was assaulted by this critter. I searched the family room, saw nothing, heard nothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something on the wall in the hallway that leads to my bedroom, so I grabbed the latest issue of the LL Bean catalog, rolled it tightly and began to gingerly tiptoe toward the creature. I swatted the wall with such force that the knick-knacks that I have sitting on a shelf hanging on the same wall actually shook, I had a very smug look on my face until I double checked what I had just swatted - a dreaded piece of lint!
Not being able to find my attacker, I went back to the recliner and resumed sipping my adult beverage in its cold glass which I placed against my itchy ankle to see if I could bring relief, not so much, figured I most likely had a better chance of numbing it from the inside out, so I got up to get a refill, and that's when I spotted it.
The silent but deadly mosquito was happily flitting against the backsplash tile in my kitchen. With all of the blood it just sucked out of me, I would have thought its bloated belly would have slowed it down, but nope, there it was flitting away. This time I grabbed an issue of hubby's Numismatic News, a more substantial publication, tabloid size, which meant I could really smash my assailant. I saw it pause for a moment and I took my shot, and immediately sent the tall pepper grinder and a cruet filled with olive oil to the floor, spilling their contents - great! Cleaning up olive oil from ceramic kitchen tile and grout, not so much of a fun activity, and to add insult to injury, while I was on my hands and knees cleaning up the mess, I got bitten again, this time on the back of my upper left arm. So I say to myself, this is war. Meantime, my eagerly awaited NFL preseason game has started, and I have not even seen a play.
I couldn't find the sneaky blood sucker, so I took solace in getting my adult beverage, and walked back into the family room to watch the game and that' s when I spotted him. Just sitting, fat and happy on the side door - now I knew I had a clear shot at him. This time I took the time to get the blue plastic fly swatter that is always hanging close by, and I casually walked up to the door. I knew he sensed me coming and in his panic he began to fly upwards and I judged my swat just right. I smashed that annoying, biting, nasty pest and in doing so splattered my blood all over the beige painted door. By the way, I observed that I have very healthy looking deep red blood. I felt victorious! Of course, throughout the evening, the bites continued to besiege me with itchiness, which thank God, as I found out earlier in the evening, can be numbed by sipping an ever so delightful adult beverage.
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