Confession of a TP Elitist

I have reached the age where I have become a paper products snob. When I was younger, and needed to count every penny, I always bought whatever paper products happened to be on sale, if memory serves me correctly it was something called waldorf tissue, and I believe the paper was only one degree removed from the tree. I could never prove it, but when used I could have sworn that there were chunks of wood still in it. Today, I prefer comfort over economy. I can truly state that I like my TP sans trees, splinters or paper so stiff that it actually crinkles.

I hate travelling and having to use a restroom. Invariably there will be a giant dispenser which can house at least 6 rolls of TP, each scratchier than the last. Not pleasant. You can find these dispensers in airports, hospitals and most rest stops across the US. I have come to believe that this kind of TP is offered in these public restrooms because of theft, who the hell would want to steal something that when you used it felt like you were sandpapering your derriere?

So I admit to being a TP elitist. I need those extra soft 2-ply sheets. I enjoy those soft sheets that roll easily and tear correctly. I think there comes a time in one's life when comfort trumps economy... that epiphany came to me recently as I patiently tore off square by square from a giant dispenser, while hearing the crackling of pulpy paper and dreading using every single square.

I think someone should invent take-along TP, that you can easily stash in a purse, something soft, something soothing, something we all deserve, price be damned!